To depend, I Dont Want To

I hate depending on people. 23 years of my life there is always the need for me to depend on someone and i hate it ! I want to be dependent and trust me I've tried and im still trying but its just not working. One minute i'll be free and the next im needing support. This sucks !!! The situation i get myself into makes me depend on people especially my brother, although he doesn't complain I know im a pain in the ass when he complains about how he has to go through some problems/changes that is obviously because of me and i get so guilty for doing it. And since last year with my loan fund being exhausted i added a worry to his list worries hmphh... and of course to lessen the burden i only took 2 subjects to one subject per semester which lead me into extending another two semester which means i'll only be done by April next year *excluding my thesis, which i would only be done middle of next year* instead of finishing this semester if i didn't screw up my loan fund last year. I feel so miserable to think that most of my friend are done and will be done and moving on with their lives *and not depending on people* while i cover up & complete what my stupidity has caused. 

I wish I could make things better again *time machine to borrow anyone ?* but im helpless, i cant even help myself so hopefully things get better. Holding on to the saying that time gets better *when it actually doesn't* I'll be optimistic and just stuff myself with food and pretend everything is fine :)