When will things get better

Semester break has started, yet i still feel stressed up, worrying about my pending license, results, financial situation and of course im stressed up about feeling stressed up. I'm suppose to be having fun instead here i am behaving like a pathetic sulky kid. Its so hard to forget things and just have fun, i honestly don't know how some of my friends are capable of doing it because I could never forget my problems easily, maybe for a few hours or so but eventually i go back to worrying. Of course when i tell people about being so mopey they tell me things have already been done, so you cant go back but can only look forward and hope for the best, i then don't feel mopey anymore but i'll feel like smacking the shit outta them because whatever their saying isn't helping its only gets me annoyed so im forced to listen or change the subject.

Another thing that has been bugging me is that, i have been feeling like something bad is going to happen, i cant explain why or what it is but its just this feeling of uneasiness that's got me so worried as well*and no its not gas problems *. Im hoping its just me being paranoid and its nothing serious, but it creeps me out, especially when the thought suddenly hits me at random times sort of reminding me something is about to happen but then again bad things often happen to me but i definitely do not want to find out the cause of my uneasiness.

Anyhoo, coming semester would be final semester, cant wait to get it over with and im done with all my subjects except for my thesis which i will be doing whilst working part time someplace where i would have to beg and kiss someone's ass *figuratively* to get one since i have a crappy gpa & lack of job experience so finger crossed when the time comes i'll be able to get a good job.

Here's to a diffrent thinking

Today I had a video presentation on the philosophy of death to compensate for missing a class activity which got me a big fat zero over 20 for my participation marks...well that and that I was too shy to open my month and say anything in class to contribute more to that marks...and after an hour of class my mind just wanders off to another place so I don’t know what to ask. So back to the video presentation. I had to do a recording on my voice on the philosophy of death and got some pretty awesome pictures from Google to make my slides better. Once i was done I sent it to my friend to get her opinion and that didn't go well when it didn't play in my friends laptop, which I intended to use since my lap top doesn't have a battery I’d need to plug it in everywhere I go, so using hers would make it all easier. So after spending 4 days completing the slides and voice recording into a pretty video this shitty thing happened so like usual I panicked tried to find another solution which I didn't get so I just lugged my heavy ancient lap top to the lecturers’ office and thank god she kindly let me use her plug point, actually she also plugged it in for me without making me feel like a moron like I already felt.

I was having a real bad year to some things up, my  luck was shit so of course things were pretty bad for me sometimes and I guess it never go better. To list down the crappy things that has happen o this year would take another year to list *just saying* so when I got to my lecturers office I was pretty much all wound up, worried about whether I got my philosophies right or did I do what she expected me do and of course the nervousness of her looking at my video and awkwardly hearing my voice in a tiny room with 4 people in it wasn't helping me feel better at all. Turned out she loved my video because I did what she expected * apparently she mentioned certain criteria in one of the classes of how she expected a philosophical explanation to be like but I missed it yet I still did it without knowing this* and that got me the highest grade, and i got praises claps and yay’s so there i was blushing away.  I was so happy but it didn't end there cause then  i then had to do a defense on a topic she covered in class to prove that I was paying attention to her lectures even though I didn't open my  mouth in class to ask stuff. And since I planned on not doing the defense, it was impromptu, I had to figure something out and so I decided on the Meaning of Life because I remembered some points from it. But it didn't turn out good cause I got emotional and I started crying that I basically had a mini counselling session with her.

Yes I cried! Why? Cause I was going through so many bad things with shitty luck that while I was explaining this to her I started tearing up. I felt embarrassed one because there were two other people there that witnessed me being a cry baby until she told them to step outside awhile so that I can speak freely. I never went for counselling I only did it on people *practice* but never been to one so this was my first and I basically bawled in front of her explaining my shitty life I was going through and of course she was too kind, she listened to me and said things that meant a lot to me, gave me encouragement and told me that based  on what she heard in video, my voice, is strong person’s voice and that’s a voice of a confident women an d then she added if I ever needed to speak to someone that she would always be here for me to speak to. Boy oh boy I felt like I released the heaviest part of me out, and it felt good. So this is why I would advice, no I ENCOURAGE that people, if you have problems don’t keep it in find someone supportive and tell to out or seek count selling service it is a great help. I never thought that I would end up being counselled that I would only be counselling people but I guess I have a different mind set now.