Patience hanging by a thread

Dad finally decided that it was time for me to get my license finally ...yes I'm 22 and without a driving license. Technically i still don't own one yet, just an L *thehehehe*. Since my dad pushed the date so close to the beginning of my new semester, I'd have to wait for my next possible holiday to get my P ;(

Cant wait to go back to K.L. I guess this super long holidays just proved that I cant live with my mother, without wanting to pull all my hair off my head. I may sound mean, rude, ungrateful, i don't know, but my mom is driving me nuts. She annoys me like hell that i wanna scream my lungs out and tell her to leave me alone... but sadly of course i cant. Sometimes i just wish she could just find something else to do instead of getting on my nerves every time we're in the same room. It has actually always been this way, its just that i don't really stay long when I'm back home so the fighting doesn't have that much affect on me but this time, boy oh boy !! I think I could jump off the Alor Star tower !

Don't get me wrong, i do love my mom very much, but sometimes she just knows how to get on my nerves, perfectly and when i attack back, it makes me look like a bad daughter . I'm trying so freaking hard to stick to the i-don't-wanna-fight-with-my-mom promise.... but my mother being her usual self is very trying... so here i am ranting and whining away so that i don't go all Hulk on her...god help me... Just few more days Sharmilah.....just few more days *yikes!!!*

Trying to be invincible

I have been doing nothing but just, sleeping, watching movies, and my favourite pass time of all, eating. It’s like I’m hibernating just that I’m doing a little more extra then just sleeping. I feel so free right now, and I really don’t want to go back to kl as well as college, well mainly college. College sucks.

I barely left my house, usually if its semester breaks I’ll be out almost every day, but this time I didn’t want to get my butt out of the house at all, unless I was forced too. I rarely spoke to anyone either, just the people in my house and my friends who call to just complain why I don’t want to go out with them. It’s like I just locked myself up willingly and not do anything anymore. I don’t know what gotten into me. Mom thinks I’m being weird because I’m always the one who talks the most at home and suddenly I’m always in my room not speaking much to them and doing my own things. Of course I’m mostly in my room during the day is because i made a promise to myself to not fight with my mom like I always do, so have to stay away from her a lot. My mom finds the passion in irritating and getting on my nerves most of the time, so when she starts  to annoy me I get angry and I start yelling  at her and she starts yelling at  me and another war happens. So that’s why I spend my day in the room.

I can’t say that not talking to anyone makes me feel lonely or depressed, I’m actually enjoying myself being alone and not talking to anyone and just hiding away. I don’t know why this is happening but I’m not going to complain cause I can honestly say that I currently feel happy and contented

Disappearing...

Letting go is never easy, it hurts and it tires your mind when you keep thinking of it. Imagine having so many people around you and suddenly, one by one they start to disappear. Every time someone disappears, you keep denying it , until one day you realise that you have lost them, probably for good, with all the trust you had in them and those special feelings you had for them.

Relationships have never been a friend of mine, its fine one moment and its screwed up the next. People, like friends and also those useless people i called boyfriends, that i have expected to have in my life have mostly left, and I’m just waiting for the remaining ones to go David Copperfield on me.  And now, it scares the crap out of me to become closer to people now. I'm scared that if i ever get closer or attached to someone they would eventually leave. I have been avoiding getting closer to anyone anymore and i have been keeping my distance from people i know, I don’t know for sure if what I'm doing to myself is the right thing to do, but so far i figured it is and that's what I’ll probably do till i find the right solution.