The forever love of mine :(

This made me miss my puppy. V called her PUPPY, she was the cutest dog ever for me, My family loved this sweetheart with all our hearts, she was precious to us, although she was small she protected her house and our family, it was so cute to see her everyday wagging her tail waiting fr anyone who comes into the house and jumps on you like she has nvr seen us in years. her cute ways of dancing when she get her food makes everyone entertained n the way she kills flies* yup u heard me right* she jumps n actually catches it bites it n leaves it dead n den for insects she bites em' spits it out den roll over it and leaves it der, funny little girl she was ! She loves going for drives in the car, she knows her way around my house area, she takes night walks with my dad without being forced and many2 more things that i could remember.

And on the 18Th of April 2006 arnd 11pm, our small baby passed away due to her old age, she was 11 years of age (77 in dog years) when she died. She licked my mom's leg went outside my house and passed on there. According to my grandma if a dog dies outside your house, that means she was a good dog and loved us all. Ever one's was sad and cried fr days, even if i was in school i cried, she was that important to me. She was our family till the end of her life and she was pampered throughout her life and im happy she got us as her family and lived her life to the fullest. I cherish every single moments i had with hr and she would be in my heart forever. RIP MY ADORABLE PUPPY <3

I promise. . .

Don’t feel stupid for missing him, even if he treated you like shit. You still had happy memories and you’re always going to miss them. Just get through each day and eventually it will get better, I promise. Eventually someone will come into your life and whether or not you realize it, they are going to be something special to you. Someone better will come along

Tears

I hate the feeling you get after you’re finally done crying for a long time. Your eyes sting. Your breath is all shaky. You can’t stop thinking about everything, and you just feel flat out weak. Your face is all blotchy and you feel just ugly. You’re emotionally and mentally fatigued, but you just have to move one so that no one knows. And the worst part is knowing that it’ll all happen again. And again. And again.

I can see you changing

At first you would text me: “Goodnight :]”

It then turned into: “Goodnight! :D”

Soon, it became: “Goodnight (insert name) <3”

And sure enough, it turned into your voice saying: “Goodnight babe! I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Then, soon, it turned into your voice saying: “Gnight.”

And then it went back to texts, saying: “Goodnight”

And finally, it made its way to: “Night.”

And now, you don’t even say anything to me anymore.

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you. How good you look when you smile. How much I love your laugh. I daydream about you off and on, replaying pieces of our conversations; laughing at funny things that you said or did. I’ve memorized your face and the way that you look at mine. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine. I wonder what will happen the next time we are together and even though neither of us know what the future holds, I know one thing for sure; you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.

GOD where are u :(

Sometimes i wonder if God is hearing me out when i cry for him or whether he realises that I'm in so much need for him ? I don't ask allot cause sometimes i know i can never get it, but than there are certain hopes and wishes i would really want to fulfill and it doesn't usually happen.

I say usually is because some things do happen but I'll have to suffer to get it ? I do believe that God exist, although I'm not so much of a praying person but i still believe that the almighty exists. Sometimes i do wonder maybe the reason why i he doesn't listen to my favour is cause i never pray. I know some you may think this is stupid, but hey that's how i feel.

I would like to ask him, why was i created this way ?

Is there a reason why am i physically this way ?

Is there a reason why i have bad relationships with people ?

Was i created to screw up all the important things in my life ?

and da list goes on...

Anyways i hope he takes his time and listen to my whining sometimes. Plzzzzzzz

THE WANT'S IN LIFE

Wanting things in life can never be easy, i don't know whether this applies to everyone people but i feel that its never easy for me to get things and that's why i don't like wanting things or hoping that some day i can have what i want. it is a bas belief system for me but some how i don't have that hope that i would get what i desire in my future of maybe not now.

I don't know how did i end up with thins kind of thinking, my guess is maybe the way i was brought up. i grew up in well to do family. My parents especially my dad was a "saving" person. he only invested in things that is really needed. Seldom did he buy new clothes for himself, and so that's I was to until i left for college. My dad would take us shopping once a year, and that when we get all the clothe which we need for that whole year and in between there's no more clothes shopping. But when it came to food he never controlled us in that but there is always a limit in price and there is school supplies and so on, are all done in a less expensive way. But even so at those times i would crave and want so many things and when i look at the price tags i just curse my self for not having that much money to buy it * cant ask my dad, he'll probably say NO" and so as i grew up i learnt never to expect things that put of my league, and it defiantly saved my heart aches.

As i left for college, it was my first time on my own in K.L, so ever thing i did was needed to be done within my monthly allowance. Compared to most of my friend i got lesser amount of allowance but somehow i managed to buy clothes every month. How ?? Well I buy clothes which are expensive looking at small scale shops. These shops are like my heaven they have tons of clothes that are as low RM 5 ! call me cheapskate but its a great deal for me. and I don't find Body glove or FOS or Chic Avenue stuffs quality matches the prices. i mean a thin cloth tshirt can cost up to 30-5o bucks ! whereas i can get a little better quality clothes at 10 bucks and above. *I'm not lying about this* I don't go eating at secret recipe or Starbucks cause 10 bucks for a coffee is ridiculous but its doesn't mean i don't want to. I want to but as usual the price is a turn off and that's when i don't want it.

So i don't really know whether this is bad or not but i don't know how long am i still gonna have this kind of belief in me but hey enjoy while it lasts ;p cheerios !

Was It Genuine ? ? ?

I have always wondered why was it so hard for me to find genuine people, as in attitudes and thoughts. After many years i have found that most of the people around me aren't who they say they are. they are different on the inside and outside. WHY ? ?

Now, although i don't tell people whether what they speak is the truth or what they feel, but i would always ask myself do they really what they are saying ? are they genuinely saying things ? Its beginning to concern me now. i often do this to myself, even to those i love and trust ? where did i learn this ? and why am i thinking and questioning people to myself.

With me studying for psychology and knowing facts about humans behaviour and how to detect and capture peoples gestures, movements and so on, somehow doesn't help me abandoning the suspicion thoughts i have. i basically look at the persons eyes, their gestures and movements and the tone of voice to identify if their lying. And i do see that occasionally they lie and finally on another occasion i would actually find out that they were lying with proof. And that's why i have deliberately started doing it constantly to people i speak to .

I have started to observe people i speak to now allot rather than hearing what they say much. I hope it goes away, cause i don't really like this kind of thought within me cause unconsciously I'm being very fake towards them to. *Fingers crossed *