A week with Max :)

Dog-sat this cute adorable pup for my brother's friend and kinda got attached to him, and now he's gone home and i miss him loads and i don't get to baby him till his next visit :( I really need to get a dog for myself or I'm gonna start obsessing with other people's dogs and steal 'em for myself !

Patience hanging by a thread

Dad finally decided that it was time for me to get my license finally ...yes I'm 22 and without a driving license. Technically i still don't own one yet, just an L *thehehehe*. Since my dad pushed the date so close to the beginning of my new semester, I'd have to wait for my next possible holiday to get my P ;(

Cant wait to go back to K.L. I guess this super long holidays just proved that I cant live with my mother, without wanting to pull all my hair off my head. I may sound mean, rude, ungrateful, i don't know, but my mom is driving me nuts. She annoys me like hell that i wanna scream my lungs out and tell her to leave me alone... but sadly of course i cant. Sometimes i just wish she could just find something else to do instead of getting on my nerves every time we're in the same room. It has actually always been this way, its just that i don't really stay long when I'm back home so the fighting doesn't have that much affect on me but this time, boy oh boy !! I think I could jump off the Alor Star tower !

Don't get me wrong, i do love my mom very much, but sometimes she just knows how to get on my nerves, perfectly and when i attack back, it makes me look like a bad daughter . I'm trying so freaking hard to stick to the i-don't-wanna-fight-with-my-mom promise.... but my mother being her usual self is very trying... so here i am ranting and whining away so that i don't go all Hulk on her...god help me... Just few more days Sharmilah.....just few more days *yikes!!!*

Trying to be invincible

I have been doing nothing but just, sleeping, watching movies, and my favourite pass time of all, eating. It’s like I’m hibernating just that I’m doing a little more extra then just sleeping. I feel so free right now, and I really don’t want to go back to kl as well as college, well mainly college. College sucks.

I barely left my house, usually if its semester breaks I’ll be out almost every day, but this time I didn’t want to get my butt out of the house at all, unless I was forced too. I rarely spoke to anyone either, just the people in my house and my friends who call to just complain why I don’t want to go out with them. It’s like I just locked myself up willingly and not do anything anymore. I don’t know what gotten into me. Mom thinks I’m being weird because I’m always the one who talks the most at home and suddenly I’m always in my room not speaking much to them and doing my own things. Of course I’m mostly in my room during the day is because i made a promise to myself to not fight with my mom like I always do, so have to stay away from her a lot. My mom finds the passion in irritating and getting on my nerves most of the time, so when she starts  to annoy me I get angry and I start yelling  at her and she starts yelling at  me and another war happens. So that’s why I spend my day in the room.

I can’t say that not talking to anyone makes me feel lonely or depressed, I’m actually enjoying myself being alone and not talking to anyone and just hiding away. I don’t know why this is happening but I’m not going to complain cause I can honestly say that I currently feel happy and contented

Disappearing...

Letting go is never easy, it hurts and it tires your mind when you keep thinking of it. Imagine having so many people around you and suddenly, one by one they start to disappear. Every time someone disappears, you keep denying it , until one day you realise that you have lost them, probably for good, with all the trust you had in them and those special feelings you had for them.

Relationships have never been a friend of mine, its fine one moment and its screwed up the next. People, like friends and also those useless people i called boyfriends, that i have expected to have in my life have mostly left, and I’m just waiting for the remaining ones to go David Copperfield on me.  And now, it scares the crap out of me to become closer to people now. I'm scared that if i ever get closer or attached to someone they would eventually leave. I have been avoiding getting closer to anyone anymore and i have been keeping my distance from people i know, I don’t know for sure if what I'm doing to myself is the right thing to do, but so far i figured it is and that's what I’ll probably do till i find the right solution.

Haven’t updated anything for awhile now, I pretty much abandoned my blog simply because I couldn’t really figure out what I have been and still feeling. Things have been super complicated these past few months, nothing much has been getting better its either getting from bad to worse or not changing at all. Everything just sucks right now.

My apartment  frm the front view

Moved into my new apartment with my brother and his girlfriend and it’s already been a month. I guess I kinda do like living with them, though I don’t get much freedom as I did before but its kinda letting me feel that I’m always going to have someone to depend on rather then I did when I was living with other people which kinda made me feel crappy & shameless cause I was depending more on other people’s welfare or forcing them to accept me in their lives. But I bid farewell to those feelings when I got my very own place. Though I kinda miss staying with my friend and her family, who treated me      like their own for two years, and that’s something that I cannot forget.

As for my relationship status, I’m now single. It’s harder than I thought it would be. Being with a person for two years and suddenly one day that person is stranger to me is hard. It hurts like hell, I have to admit that, there were too much tears being wasted for just this one person who never appreciated me, it just made me feel stupid. So the moral of my pathetic relationship is that, never believe anything a guy says, the hopes they give you or the promises they make cause they’d never make those words come true. 2 relationships I pushed myself into and this is what I got and these kinda  feelings just tires me  and I once i let go I feel so much  free now. I have no more obligations to be loyal or be worrying about my other half all the time. I kinda like the way it is now, so let’s just hope that everything stays this way till imp ready to have someone in my life again.

College has been nothing but a nightmare. I cannot express how much I hate my college and how much I hate studying. Just finish my finals and guess what I hate my college wayyyy moreeee now. Damn how much I regret thinking that continuing to study was a good choice! I feel like slapping myself for that. All I want right now is to get my stupid degree over with and imp done with studying.

And to make things better I have my dear friends. Glad that I have a few good ones that I can always turn too, or drag me out of being miserable all the time. 

Genting with this 2 crazy girls

This week has been I guess the best week so far, been meeting up with some of my close friends since Sunday, and I made a trip to Genting with two of my old friends and I guess I haven’t laughed that much in a very long time. Tomorrow would be my last day in kl, will be meeting up with another old friend and then on Sunday I’m off to Kedah for the rest of my semester break. Can’t wait to see my parents, another bunch of people that has never failed to make me feel wanted.

So i guess that’s all for now, till than toodles 

psycholust

Looking at the mirror staring at your reflection and realizing what a huge mess you are. Then your self esteem, it drops down incessantly. Seeing other people who look more pleasant than you, who are probably smarter than you, who have better lives than you. But then you start to think, although you feel bad about yourself or about how you look, life’s pretty fair. Someone will always be worse and better than you. All of us, we always lie in the middle. I hope you’re getting my point. Sometimes we may appear strong, it’s because we are afraid of people using our weaknesses against us. I spend most of my days feeling bad about myself, being very discontented about everything. But then, I’m not losing hope. Everything, every problem, has a solution. And I think it starts with learning how to love ourselves.

Honestly, I'm not sure if i should just keep holding on or let go. Its stupid to hold on to something that just keeps hurting you, but its also stupid to let go of everything you've ever wanted

In the end it I decided that  even if i let go or hold on the heartache and pain will still be there and it was a wise choice to let go....

Today was definitely not a good day, on the way to class this morning i saw an lady lying motionless on the road, then in class a friend of mine said she saw an guy in the same situation at the same area and just minutes after that i got a news that a friend of mine passed away in another state.... I do not know how to describe what im feeling right now, i don't really get what im feeling but somehow im freaking out. I don't know whether the 2 mentioned strangers are okay or not so i hope, them lying motionless was just being unconscious, and i hope they're fine... But whats a slap on the face was that 11 hours ago this person, my friend was alive and now he's gone , a young healthy boy... All i can say is RIP my friend.

Everything went by today without me realizing it, i walked passed my friends without greeting or stopping to talk them, too many things were running through my mind and all i wanted was to go home as fast as i could....

Haven't updated in long time, simply because there was too many things going on now, my days are endless suddenly. It isn't gonna end very soon either, finals are in 2 weeks time, and as usual im freaked out, but freaking out isn't gonna help me is it ? started studying already though, whenever im not doing anything for a few hours i actually start reading my notes... awfully weird of me when i think about me reading my textbooks and notes when im free.

Anyways got tons of novels with my 200 bucks book voucher as well as a few books i manage to get for below 10 at an online website all 11 of my darling books are waiting for my finals to end :)

Had all my presentations done as well as completing a nerve wreaking 10 minute defense just now, so that marks the end of this semester's assignments and presentations !

Gonna go drown myself in caffeine now, tata :)

KONY 2012

Below is a video/short film that deserves at least 30 minutes of your day. Please watch it and please to spread it around, it will help and it will make a difference

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc

KONY 2012 is a film and campaign by Invisible Children that aims to make Joseph Kony famous, not to celebrate him, but to raise support for his arrest and set a precedent for international justice.

HOW TO HELP:
Join TRI or Donate to Invisible Children: http://bit.ly/yp5Ffv
Purchase KONY 2012 products: http://invisiblechildrenstore.myshopify.com/
Sign the Pledge: http://www.causes.com/causes/227-invisible-children

Keep Wondering...

"Sometimes I wonder...I wonder and I wonder....guys mostly...

They go all the way for a girl..making them to feel special and do all sorts of shits to get that girl.......but when they got them as time passes by they don't care about keeping it special the way it was..Why?!Why??do you all know how much hard it is getting a girlfriend in this tough competition world and how much it offends single guys like me?! "

Thaya Veeraya.

The above words was taken from a very close friend of mine telling how much a person can change and stop making any effort after they get their partner and when i read that I couldn't help thinking how whatever he said was absolutely true ! Well, this doesn’t only apply to boys it’s also meant for girls as well.

For instance, a boy goes all out to attract the girl, give her all the sweet hopes and tell her heart melting words and promises all before she falls for him and accepts him as her boyfriend and when their all coupled a up, the guy stops showing anymore lovey dovey action and treats her like one of his friends after a while.

Seriously? Like how annoying is that?

First you give her all the love in the world and then one day you just stop and take it all away.

Then as for the girls, it’s almost the same. A girl goes all out to act innocent and sweet for the guy and when she gets him, she becomes a troll, controlling the poor guy’s life, and expects their guy to act an behave how they want them to, owh ! and plus the constant nagging to that.

I don’t see why people do this? How can you expect each other to be devoted to one another when each acts this way? I mean if you want your relationship to work then, make it work not make it worse. It can be tough to maintain certain attitudes and beliefs in a relationship after a while but there also the wanting to TRY, right? If you claim you love that person then why are there even words like give up or fed up? Judging from the amount of breaks up’s that’s been happening I’m guessing everyone now believes that trying after they get what they want is not essential anymore

I dont usually get hyped up about hindi songs, but this song is awesome and so is the dance moves by an actress that i think is like super hot, Katrina Kaif. I dont care about what people say about the way she dances, cause if you didnt like it you wouldnt have watched it :)

Enjoy :)

The very busy, stupid me

Had a long busy and tiring 2 weeks. Passed up 3 reports, completed a presentation and cleared up all my pending work stuff *serves me right for going on a holiday at the beginning of the semester*. Anyways now all that' is outta the way, i need to prep my self for my a subject's final paper, 2 presentations, trial runs & experiments 4 more assignments and finally a quiz before I sit for finals :( okay enough whining, so so far I've gotten some good news so I'm guessing and hoping everything turns out fine for me, I'm so tired of worrying my butt off, since i came back from India and clearing my mind of certain things and i now know what to do :)

Anyhoooo, I was suppose to observing vegetarian food yesterday for prayers, but as usual i woke up forgot i was suppose to be vegetarian and ate a bun..which had egg in it ! and only realized this after eating. I felt so bad and not to mention stupid and careless !

Dear god please forgive me :( im truly sorry :(

India !

So, im back to Malaysia, cant help saying that I really missed home after going into the 2nd week of being in India. I missed Malaysian food especially, although food there was awesome but Malaysian food has already spoiled my taste buds so after awhile i just got sick of eating the food there and started craving for nasi lemak *pathetic, i know*.

The weather on the other hand was freaking cold ! of course it was, cause its still the winter season there, wore 3 layers of jackets everywhere i went, and even slept with the same way ! Then there is the cleanliness part, yes it wasn't so clean, there was poop everywhere, people spitting and peeing so if any one of you have OCD or some sort, this is not a country you would wanna visit. But some how it didn't really bother me, maybe because i prepared my self for this part, so i was fine :)

Okay enough with the bad stuff, there is allot of good stuff too, like when you go to the village side, OMG the place is so beautiful, just like in the movies. Then food like i said earlier was awesome, their main course is Dhal and Chapathi which is super good. You don't get much rice there as they seldom eat rice unlike we Malaysians, so that's why after a week or so I got all whinny and annoyed cause i dint get my rice.

Since India is a big country, for every destination we wanted to go was so far away from one another, and eventually everyone got sick of travelling, to add up to that the roads were bumpy, with tones of potholes and plus all that with the extreme sound of vehicle's horns ! and tadaaa you start to regret why you came. Anyways, I forget all that when I reach the destination, for instance as soon as I catch a glimpse of a row of shops that sells suits, sarees & jewelries, I feel like I've reached heaven and nothing else matters. Everything there is like waayyy cheaper, suits that you buy her for 200 to 300 bucks can be bought here for like 60 bucks to 100 bucks !! Its without a doubt a shopping paradise for Indian women.

To sum everything up, i had fun most of the time, its without a doubt an experience on its own, based on the stories I've heard from people about India is not really true. I saw everything for myself and all i can say is that those people were exaggerating about how awful India is, trust me it isn't, all you need to do is adapt :)

Pictures are all up on Facebook, so check them out there.

ARTICLE : Panadol Toxic To Body Warning Message

So i was browsing the net the other day, looking for a list of medicine names for my mom and while browsing i found something interesting about Paracetamol aka Panadol. Panadol, is one of the common medicine that Malaysians take, whether its headache of flu to even muscle cramps and honestly i do the same but i stopped awhile ago after getting a lecture from my cousin who's a doctor. Anyways, here's the article i found, but i don't know how true it is though.

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DON'T TAKE PANADOL AND PANADOL ACTIVE FAST AND PANADOL SOLUBLE (ESP.PPL HAVE GASTRIC).

FYI... One real story from a guy...

My husband was working in a hospital as an IT engineer, as the hospital is planning to set up a database of its patient. And he knows some of the doctor quite well.

The doctors used to tell him that whenever they have a headache, they are not willing to take PANADOL (PARACETAMOL). In fact,they will turn to Chinese Herbal Medicine or find other alternatives.

This is because Panadol is toxic to the body, and it harms the liver. According to the doctor, Panadol will reside in the body for at least 5 years. And according to the doctor, there used to be an incident where an air stewardess consumes a lot of panadol during her menstrual as she needs to stand all the time. She's now in her early 30's, and she needs to wash her kidney (DIALYSIS) every month.

As said by the doctor that whenever we have a headache, that's because it is due to the electron/Ion imbalance in the brain. As an alternative solution to cope with this matter, they suggested that we buy 1 or 2 cans of isotonic drink ( eg.100PLUS), and mix it with drinking water according to a ratio of 1:1 or 1:2 (simply, it means one cup 100plus, one cup water.or 2 cups water).

Me and my husband have tried this on several occasions, and it seems to work well.

Another method will be to submerge your feet in a basin of warm water so that it bring the blood pressure down from your throbbing head.

As Panadol is a pain killer, the more Panadol you take, the lesser would be your threshold for pain (your endurance level for pain).

We all will fall ill as we aged, for woman, we would need to go through childbirth. Imagine that we had spent our entire life popping quite a substantial amount of Panadol (Pain Killer) when you need to have a surgery or operation, you will need a much more amount of general anesthetic to numb your surgical pain than the average person who seldom or rarely takes Panadol. If you have a very high intake of Panadol throughout your life (Migraine, Menstrual cramps) it is very likely that normal general anesthetic will have no effects on you as your body is pumped full with panadol and your body is so used to pain killer that you would need a much stronger pain killer, Morphine??

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There's also a commentary section that you guys can check out if you want to :)

Taken from : http://www.hoax-slayer.com/don't-take-panadol-warning.html

No idea what to expect anymore. Nothing i had hoped for has happened, everything just went down the drain. I'm like a mad person who sits at one corner worrying constantly about my whats gonna happen in my days ahead. Nothing is going right and i have no idea when all of this is gonna end.