Finnaliiii its overrr !

God heard my cry i guess my loan application has finally been approved ! Thankiu GOD ! YOUR AWESOME ! sorry for cussing at everyone throughout the period of applying my loan...To the ones who have helped me thankiu for your time, effort and money :) appreciate it !

Gracia's everyone !

Where'd You Go ???

Falling in love with you when you were that sweetest person was the right thing to do, but still being in love with the person you have become is becoming harder.

You would also fight for me, but now it doesn't matter anymore ? why ? are you that sure that i wont turn away from you just because i gave you my word or the enormous amount of love that i show you everyday ? I'm trying to keep my love for you strong but i just cant help feeling its not going to last for long. I fear this sweetheart, and your not helping this feelings go away...

You are showing that I'm no more your priority like i use to be ? you don't see me often but why do i feel like you chasing me away every time we meet ?

Every time you say "i love you" i smile but deep down i cant believe those words much....

I missed the old you... but i cant force you to be someone your not right ? its up to you to decide, its your life to...

So called fat body ?? get a life...

Humans can be stupid sometimes, not being rude or what but girls, im sorry to say that some of you are so effin annoying ! Your not fats so stop whining and saying your fat when your not ! your stick thin and you say your fat ? its annoying and just plain dum for educated people like you guys to say. If thats a way for you guys to let people praise you and say you have a smoking body, you need to slap cause someone might just say go to hell, and i promise you i would be one of them.....just be gratefull woth what you have.

You wanna see fat ? i wil show you fat ! so stop saying your fat, and pretending to diet and stuff cause no one CARES !

Yummm !

Well i cant say its, but it maybe for other people but anyways its chocolate it can do wonders to people and thats why it drives me crazy when i dont have it in high dosage ;p

WHEN I SAY NO...IT MEANS NO

Touching my stuff wothout asking is someything no one should do, cause i get super pissed when someone does it..i dont know how stupid you are but you need to get it into your head STOP TOUCHING, TAKING,USING,SMELLING,WEARING,CARRYING or whatever the heck ypu plan to do with my stuff ! call me selfish but there are certain things where you can or cannot take and thats the way it is...so dont blame me for yelling at your stupid face :)

HALLELUJAH !

Finally god * thank u so much* has answered my prayers ! my application had been approved nw i need to wait for them to process it and I'm secured for the next 3 yrs ! yippee

suicide ??

Was it necessary to kill youself for some who you just coupled up fr 4 months ? NO ! it isnt !
We know you love her so much but common you have 6o year old parents who needs you more than anyting ! she's not into anymore than move on, even if its hard, but you should think of the consequences of you killing youself...

may u rest in peace anyways....

Effin Pissing OFFFFFFFFF !!!!

Omg I'm so unlucky, im so nt exaggerating...after doing all the shit they told me and yet they scrwed it all up ! im so frustrated ! and to add it all up people who did not go out like i did actually got their loan approved ! I mean like what the hell ? they made me run around like a dog and just screw up the whole application and apply for the new one ???

I didn't realise that people hire these kinds of fools to handle and run these things, they are stupid lazy fat asses..i swear who ever who screwed up my app is and will defiantly get something nice in return ! i shall pray for that since they just screwed up my future in a way! thank u stupid Buffalo's !

Crazy !

Here i am after sooo long :D well have been busy with assignments and social service trips, had a blast for my 1st year 1st semester :)well now its coming 2 an end, damn fast ay ? i started in September and I'll be done by da 15Th of December.

Been stressed out the whole time actually cause of my pending loan application, maths subject and the amount of tiredness that took over...damn

Anyways, finals are starting on the 8Th *wish me luck* gonna go cold turkey with facebook and tumblr :(

Till then...sayonara <3

Slipping away...

I miss u n u dnt care :( .... u hav ur stuff 2 do so y bother abt me right...

U were thr wen i needed u..nw ur not

U always showed me how much u loved me..nw u dont

U always told me how precious I'm am to u...nw u dont

U always called me 1st every time u wake up and before u sleep..nw its a burden fr u

U use to say tht without talking to me a day is crazy bt now u can go days without talking to me

U always said sorry when v fight now everything is my fault

U used to luv me talking baby talk to u..now its just a normal thing for u

Ur changing..slipping away...will thr be a future for us anymore ? im not sure for the first time...I love u but i dont know if we can still go on with this

Happy Birthday to meeeee

Its my birthday 2day ! he he and after 2 years of celebrating on my own nw i get to celebrate it with my family !

Buttt, yup there's but.....there is a flood going on now here at Kedah and so happen my place is also affected, the water level has been on the rise, my family and i have been running around collecting water and saving important stuff...so its nt gonna be a good birthday or a good Diwali this year...i hoping the water level goes down i need to head back to KL ! I HAVE COLLEGE ! and quizzes and assignments to hand in ...I'm screwed that's for sure....

PLUS

NOT A GOOD THING TO LOOK FORWARD TO !! ARGGGG

hOME sWEET hOME

Im homeeee ! YAY after months away from home im finnaly back at Kedah to celebrate DIWALI ! but let's cut to the chase the only reason im happy to be bac is cause i get to see my parents ! missed them loads and i finaly get to see them for a few days before i go back to hell :(

anyways Diwali is like in 2 days time so HAPPY DIWALI PEOPLE !!!

Trip to Hospital Bahagia

Trip to Hospital Bahagia in Ulu Kinta (mental asylum) was uber awesome ! had sooooooo much fun there. Got to visit the patients wards and how their asylum system works, it was totally a great experience there. The environment of the hospital was not like what i had expected, it was way better than i expected it to be, its like the cleanest hospital i have seen, and it was super huge ! they had like tons if acres of land, it looked so pretty. Interacted with some of the patients there, they were cute in their ways defiantly, made friends with a patients there to.

Here are some pictures that were taken, we weren't allowed to take picture of the building and the patients there so i only took pictures of what we were allowed to take.

Crappy-errr by the day

Was hoping days would be better after a while, guess its not gonna happen anytime soon.

i feel so sick of everything, kinda feels like I'm alone even of i have al my friends around me...maybe I'm just homesick, i miss my mom and dad so much that i actually cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking of them. i feel like there is no one who connects to me like my mom does and no one who gives me attention like my dad, it so sad right ? i have a boyfriend and all but its just not the same as having your parents near you, but i know he's doing his best to keep me happy. This is the person i am, i dont like being alone at all.

College hasn't been treating me good either. people here are so advance in ever ting, i kinda feel lost, assignments due every week, had to 2 like 10 reports since i started, 5 assignments and to add it all up i have to face maths which is my super duper enemy, so i have been stressed out like hell that right now i feel like totally giving up ! but i cant this is my choice and i have to face it or it will just make me stupid. my college loan is giving me pressure since the day i stated college, here and there their finding excuses to reject my app...then there is the financial part where I'm running out of money, i feel so bad asking my dad so i don't ask him at all so i have to like survive on like 400 bucks a month which goes for transportation( bus,lrt,bus), food, and my monthly essential stuff, so there is always not enough when its the end of the month, so i go cold turkey with spending on things...damn i the pressure is insane...but I'm coping, I'm trying to get used to this new situation and i hope things change for the better soon.....

DIEEEE !

Getting everything in my life so far was never easy, i always had to work hard and prove my self in order to get i want, as years pass i always thought that i would get what i want eventually and i can stop being miserable for not getting it. its very upsetting that till to this day that hope has never came true. my hopes or whatever i wish to have is nothing big its everything that you can call practical, i know i need it that's why i wanted, i rarely have thoughts of having things i don't need, its weird but that's who i am.

but what sickens me is that people who doesn't work hard or go through the worse case scenario to get things they want so easily ?

i know life's unfair but common ? I'm being practical with my needs its not like I'm asking for something totally out of league ???? for instance i work so hard to complete my documents which FYI i had 2 go around practically begging these people to get my documents done i spent days and money completing my paper work so i can have my loan approved to pay my fees for the next semester ...so you tell me what wrong did i do here ? ?

i know certain people out there you have the power to control certain things and you are actually the one who decides their fate, in my case its obliviously the loan authorities, if they do not approve my loan since they are able to decide whether they wanna let me finish my studies or else I'll be left behind in certain subjects due to lack of financial support

i don't know what the hell is wrong but this has ti change..or I'll go psycho !

Bec0mIng a DesPeRad0

i understand that Ur desperate but common ??? he called u a bitch n Ur still going back to him ?
really girl where's Ur pride ? Ur a disgrace 2 all women, putting a guy on a pedestal for what ? for using bad words on u or threatening everyone around you ? or may Ur still attracted to him cause he protects you from all your closest friend ?

common Ur a high scorer and a simple thing like this you cant figure out ???? dude !
i hope you open your eyes, you hurting your parents and you definitely hurt me by going back to him....

i told you he was not a good choice but u still went and got hurt, but i did not tell you i told you so but u know what this time I'm gonna laugh my ass of n say I TOLD YOU SO !

U DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT....just make a smart decision.

Life is so complicated...

I'm just 19 n i have 2 think about money, jobs, pleasing people, i hate living my life the way other people want me to....i noe these kinda things makes people independent in the future but crap ! i cant take this, i to young to be worrying about things my parents and grandparents think about....its just to sickening.

i want to study so i deserve to get the loan why the hell is people who don't wanna study but for the sake of the money the lie and they still end up getting it. I'm so tired of being patient and sucking up to people who doesn't even care if my efforts work or not, but i still have to cause i need it ! so understand what I'm going through people !

its either god really doesn't like me or I'm just have bad luck written all over my face.

Get well soon !

My poor baby got himself sick and I'm not there to take care of him :( is all alone n i feel so bad !

He went to a normal clinic and they suspected he had dengue so he went to GH all alone :( but they said it was normal fever :D i felt relived.

He's having his exams, god bless..hope he does well and most important he gets well faster !

Love him 2 bits <3

Everyone is fighting their own battle

to be free form the past, to live in their present, and to create

their future....

So am i. . . . .

Taken from Tmblr kinda true !

many dnt belive in th 5th one, so ignore that one if u dont belive in GOD :)

The image is kinda small sowei for that bt hey i tink its kinda creative..

I’m young doesn’t mean...

Just because I’m young doesn’t mean you can treat me with no respect, doesn’t mean you can take me for granted, doesn’t mean you are the boss of me, doesn’t mean that you can treat me like shit. Don’t ever underestimate me, I might be more that you think I am. I might even be more mature than you.

Wonder...

It made me wonder how many times we forgive just because we don’t want to lose someone, even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness.

What a girl can do....for u

A girl can only wait for a guy, for so long, that one day, she’ll get tired of waiting and leaves. A girl can only give you so many chances, that one day, her heart isn’t willing to take another heartbreak, anymore.

A girl can only cry so much, that once she runs out of tears, she gets up, and realizes she needs to stay strong, and forgets about your ass. A girl can only put up with so many lies, so many bullshit, that sooner or later, she will stand up for herself. A girl can only get played, so many times, that one day.. she decides she can’t put up with this, and becomes afraid to love again.

A girl can only put up with so many “I’m sorry”s, that one day, sorry will never be enough. A girl can only listen to your words, for so long, that one day, she will get tired of just hearing words and she will soon look for some action. A girl can only get her hopes up so many times, when you tell her you’re going to do this and that, that she’ll get tired of being left disappointed, and move on.

A girl can only get treated so bad, that one day, an amazing man will walk into her life, and he will treat her way better than you ever did.It’s your lost. And you’re going to regret it.

am i strong ?

Gez not...

New Begining !

Its been a week since i started at me new university which is of course HELP Uni. First day itself the dean gave us all a lil heart attack. damn the subjects and the amount of time that's needed to be invested is a shocker. The lectures were all great for the 1st week so i hope it will be that way for the rest of the 3 yrs.

I would be taking 4 subjects for this semester, its kinda allot for students at help, i don't know why cause at tarc we took 6 subjects the max for 3 smtrs and then 2 was da minimum. but yeah at this level the exams would be heavier but then i need to finish up my 1st year subjects since I'm technically in my second year since I'm from TAR Cllg.

So anyways, its been so freaking tiring travelling, i need to travel for 2 hours each to go and come back home from college, money has been flowing like water for transportation and food. stuff here is so effin' expensive, everthing you touch need money. gosh i don't know how am i going to survive with the travelling and expensive food, but I'm left choice less....

Hope i made a good choice...fingers crossed !

Something for all of us to ponder on...

Found these in a blog which i was just reading through randomly, and it just made me sit and think of all the things i have and they don't.

I feel so lucky knowing that i have things they don't and yet they still have the courage to move on with their lives.

I'm truly deeply ashamed of myself.

STUPID THOUGHTS HANGING IN THE AIR....

Have been feeling kinda STUPID lately, i don't know the reason why am i like this but something caused it but im never realising it.

I have been having the insecure feelings within me towards all the people i m close to. its like its so hard to trust them or treat them like i know them. i tend to ignore them or be mean or i just get irritated with whatever they do. Just for little things i get annoyed with. I feel guilty afterwards because of what i did.

Then i have bad feelings about my future education. Since I'm investing allot of money on it just to start off my degree i cant help feeling that I'm doing a mistake choosing the college or the course. i love psychology, and i would really love to work in that field or something relevant to it but I'm living in a country where people don't know hoe to differentiate psychology or psychiatry so basically I'm studying and investing in allot of money for a low pay job in the future. So you tell me who wouldn't feel paranoid about their future and be insecure.

I hate what i have become..this coward insecure creature who is afraid of her future...

God Please Do Help Me....

Fragile...

I can be selfish most of the time, cause I always want the best for myself.

It’s my life and I would like it to go the way I desire it to.
But that doesn’t signify I’m a heartless person.

I’m sensitive and you know it. I cry for little things even though you think it’s for silly reasons, but that’s the individual I am and you know that but why do you have to go say things that will always be jammed in my mind forever.

I don’t want to hate you cause I have given you all I’ve got.
You promised to take care of my heart and I hope you will keep your promise as you are on your way to break it…..

Wanting "life" nearby...

Is it meant to be or is it just my fate that everyone I love needs to be so far away from me?

I hate this so effing much!

I want the people I love to be close to me always, it feels so wrong when I have fun without them. I want my circle of love to be complete just me and all the people I love to be around where everyone genuinely loves each other and appreciates whatever that we got to offer. I have been disappointed with most of the things in my life cause I never got what I want, but this is something I authentically want for the rest of my live.

It’s not a nice feeling when you see the people around you having their loved one beside them always worrying about you or caring for you. It hurts to see that these people have what I want and never appreciates it.

All I want is the ones I love to be with me….for always
I know this ain't gonna happen but I a girl can still hope…cant she????

Hypocrites even when their old..SHOCKER

Hypocrites..their all around. Damn for these past few months the only thing i learnt was hypocrites has many types especially the age that surprised me the most.

People like this has managed to disgust me form top to bottom. They lie, become a two faced pig and act all nice in front of whereas behind you they act as vicious snakes spitting venom on you without you knowing and corrupting others with their wicked thoughts of you to other.

They are a family and this is not the way you portray yourself as a family. Grow up people stop acting immature and be and adult like your age suggest . If you have a problem then say it to the face instead of being a coward that you already are.

I'm way younger than all of you but i am able to think that whatever that you people are doing isn't wise, so why cant you guys figure that being a disgusting hypocrite is not going to solve anything ?

Please repent..before its to late...

Calm Down People !

I was browsing through facebook just now a video posted by a friend of mine caught my attention. It was recorded by a bunch of teenagers slapping 2 girls, and then there was another video where a school boy about 16 or 17 dragged his girlfriend into a lift to have privacy while he whacked and slapped her. Whereas women tend to pick on other women who are weaker than them and also children.

Is this how the Malaysians are going to solve issues in the future ? well if they are then say toddles to the remaining peace in Malaysia.

Seems to be violence have become a solution for everyone. One whack and punch solves a problem...well apparently they do solve it but hell that's not how you solve a problem ???? people you have been given brains and mouths to talk and solve things out by using it wisely not your fists and legs.

You may say that some people are not going to listen to you if you don't whack but ask yourself if you don't want to listen to something you don't like would you like to get whacked for that ?

I don't think so, unless ur some kinda psycho freak who likes pain.

Violence doesn't solve anything, like the above boys in the video has ended up in jail with a criminal record that's going to be there for the rest of their lives. how i know this ? well it was written by the person who posted it. So, whats good about bashing up someone for a permanent criminal record and embarrassment ?

I'm not being a sexist or what but men really needs to learn how to abuse people who are weaker than them lesser. i know it makes you look macho and stuff but in reality it makes you look like an uneducated brainless hooligan. If you want to show off the macho side of you then pick on someone who's your size or maybe bigger than you, that will make you look all manly wouldn't it ?

As for women, come on stop bashing your own kind its not cool. You want to get your man back please don't whack each other it only makes the guy happy not you.

ANOTHER THING IS STOP ABUSING ANIMALS ! you buy a pet to love it and take care of it not whack it when it barks or pee at the wrong places. Come one even puppies are being whacked for that. they dont have a voice to speak up so for god sakes stop abusing animals. stop pouring hot water on them, throw stuff at them or kick them. Its a heartless thing to do !

So people out there stop whacking each other, or bombing for a matter of fact, its not the solution...unless they really ask for it ha ha...but still ...

Peace !

HomeComin !

Finally back at K.L after a mini trip back to my hometown Alor Star, Kedah !

It was SO nice to see my mum and dad, and manja2 with my dad again..missed him allot .
my mum has become this super uber ultra talkative women, guess all those months alone at home has burst out when she had people back home..it was cute but then annoying to.
went to send my younger bro to his rented house where he is living as he is studying in a college there. He's all grown up, was so proud to see him use all those big words, and the way he acts all grown up-ish when he talks to me, it was cute. missed fighting with him as he apparently has no time for that now cause he need to study...righhttt !

Then visited my grandma, that poor lady is alone now cause there's no more grandchildren left in Alor star so she's less active now. i felt bad for her, so to cheer her a little me my mom and my elder bro took her out lunch, and talked and laughed, and indeed it cheered her up.

Then went home packer my stuff and it was goodbye Alor star.
and now I'm back at kl sitting her and blogging and missing my hometown and the people in it
have no idea when i could go back there after this since I'm starting at HELP Uni on the 25Th.


Boohoo...

I'M GOING HOME ! FINALLY GET 2 SEE MY FAMILY !!!

don't know when will i get the chance to see them again if i do happen to go HELP.. if i do happen 2 go :D

Biggest Gainer Asia !

Since I'm have been super uber free, i have gained weight i and i now look like a fat pig...no kidding.

Well, why wouldn't i be ? have eating sleeping and making the Internet my best friend for the past 3 months, its crazy..i know !

I cant help it, there is food everywhere around me and gosh the temptations just go wild. Food is one dangerous thing for me right now.

Been wanting to exercise but every morning when i want to, I'm just to sleepy to wake up..then when i wanna stick to a diet people forces, literally forces me to eat, so that how i made myself look like a pig and lesser human...

Anyways, I'm starting a new diet plan tomorrow onwards, which is going to be a strict one till i drop some pounds and go back to my original size :D i hope it works this time..i hope..i really really hope it does..

Feels like its not the same..will it ever be ??

Scared of Nothing

I'm scared of something..but i don't know what.. I get this feeling that I'm doing something wrong but when i look back i did not . so why am i having this kind of feelings ?



maybe its cause of some decisions i made on my own a few months a go, some is not really good once and those are the once who may turn out to have bad consequences.



I'm not sure what is it but i just want it 2 go away...when I'm trying to have fun and actually live my life suddenly this annoying feeling pops out and poops my time and i become some sort of depress.



apparently I'm not getting along with technology well either...phone corrupted..lap top is being possessed by the slow ghost..



damn..



the depression ( sort off) is on the GO !



Lame ??



I know...

" For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return "

~Leonardo da Vinci ~

Homesick...

Its been less than a month that i have left my hometown and my parents and came back to K.L and i already miss my parents : ( so much..


This time I went back I spent allot of time with my parents especially dad since both my brothers were away..so i had all the attention ( which i don't usually get ) to myself.


me n my parents went out for dinners frequently went shopping or just go hang around shopping complexes...i had the best one month there. And I'm missing all those moments where i would sit with my appa and talk all the nonsense and make fun of my amma, to see my dad smile is like the biggest thing ever cause he doesn't do it often, so when he laughs or smiles its like a big thing for me.


the day i left my hometown i did not get the chance to give him a hug, cause the train had to move fast so i had to rush up and i couldn't hug him...hated that aloottttt ..erggg


i miss my appa allot..and i love him so very much :)


i miss amma as she was the only one who i got to debate with and fight with


i miss my Lil bro to, the times we spent talking and telling our personal stories and arguing over stupid things


i miss everything there now and i want to go home


and i will..soon ^^

Sex and The City.......... TWO !!!

It was an awesome movie not going to regret watching in even if I accidentally splashed coke into my nose while watching the movie…

The movie goes like this it was set two years after the first film. The four friends now have lives that are more stressful than before: All are married except for Samantha, who is now 52 and trying to keep her libido alive with hormones while dealing with menopause; Miranda quits her job having frequently been gestured to silence; Charlotte's two children are a handful and is worried that Harry is attracted to their bra-less nanny, Erin (Alice Eve); and Carrie's marriage to Mr. Big has settled down, she always wants to go out, he would prefer to stay home, feeding on take-out meals and watching television.


Meanwhile, Samantha is approached by an Arab sheikh to devise a PR campaign for his business, and he offers to fly her and her friends on an all-expenses-paid luxury vacation to Abu Dhabi.


Carrie is runs into her former lover Aidan and agrees to a dinner date and also left her passport in a small shoe stand * part were me n Sharon went turn back, u left your passport like she could hear us* … while walking in a moment of passion, the two kiss. Carrie deals with the question of whether or not to tell big which she does eventually.


While on a date with Rikard, Samantha was detained for having sex on the beach, and claims to be kissing. With the Sheik's intervention, Samantha is released, their luxurious perks are no longer paid for. With an hour till check out, or their next $22,000 nightly charge, they pack their bags for departure. After a few more mishaps like looking for Carrie’s passport and Samantha’s outburst they leave Abu Dhabi and arrive home safe in the USA. Carrie returns home to find Mr. Big missing and when he does he got her with a black diamond ring as a punishment *Carrie doesn’t like wearing wedding ring* THE END.


Movie was all cool, but surprisingly men were there…or should I say horny old men??? What reasons do these uncles have to watch a girlie flick??? They came in while flirting with girls that could be their daughters...Disgusting…


Somehow people did figure out these men were not Malaysians and they only came because there was “sex” in the title...And the best part is they forgot its Malaysia...it’s all censored...


So that made the day awesome-err ^^

DEGREE AT HELP UNI

As planned me n Sharon went to check out our future university ( maybe ) which was HELP do continue pursuing psychology...it al went well till da price of the course came out, i think i had a 10 seconds heart attack...i hope its worth it cause when my dad sees this he'll blast.. n maybe ban me from ever coming here...i couldn't help worrying about the 1st semester fees cause obliviously its way expensive and as for PTPTN, i can only apply for it in the second semester and there is no scholarships for 1st year students...so financial aid is out..I'm left with depending on my dad now..well lets c what happens

HERE'S A GLIMPSE OF WHAT I HAVE OR MY DAD HAS TO PAY IF I GO TO HELP UNI

SO THIS IS WHERE I START AND STARTED CRYING : (

THIS IS VERY DEPRESSING..gosh..

Spelling Mississippi

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: 'Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! .. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.' The lady can't take this any more, 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly. 'In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives. 'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who a talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my friend how to spell ' Mississippi '.

****HAHA CLDNT STOP WONDERING HOW THE HELL SOMEONE COULD COME UP WITH THIS..SUPER CUTE ***

Bend It Like You Mean It

I'm scared that one day I'll lose him

I'm scared he'll no more be THE ONE

I'm scared there will b no one to be there when i need someone

I'm scared he finds no connection between us

I'm scared if I'm no more attractive and boring and annoying and irritating or stupid

I'm scared if he runs out of love for me...

**************I'm insecure*****************


I don't wanna trust

I don't wanna get hurt again

He has loved me for who i am.. a selfish annoying ugly looking fat brat
I'll hold him always...his one thing I'll never regret..my brownie boo =)

I SHALL CHANGE...

ahoy !! depression

i haf been wondering around or should i say loitering, at home and everywhere else for the past 3 months doing absolutely nothing progressive or anyhting usefull....

i tried getting a job but its just not working out well n i have no idea why ??? i feel so crappy, im like this overgrown child living with her parents without contributing anything but a troblesome to them. gosh, living at home and doing nothing is so depressing...

i should be in a uni by august ( hopefully) and i haf to start working part time to support myself ( thnx to my big mouth of boosting i cn support myself) as in extra poket money to buy stuff i dont need like clothes, shoes and the list goes on...and on...

may god bless me....

i don't know whether its me but why does all my good intentions turn bad ??? i try so hard to make things work the way it should but it never works out..Gosh ! its sooo super crappy ???
i give up trying to please people and making everything work...that's it

I'm doing everything my way !

Its all over...

I knew him, like no one else, attached to him like no one else...he was my crush once and was very good friend..once...

I knew him 4 about two years, we became so close in such a short period of time, there was always a caring thought between us and i thought this would never change and believing that i fell so hard for him, like i never did for anyone else.

Suddenly everything changed, he changed and disappeared, with no traces of coming back to me..there i was wondering where did i go wrong ? did i do something ? there i was giving up on finding love..and i did, every guy i met after that, i never had solid feelings for them, they were thought as someone who will be gone after a few months.

After awhile he came back to me, i never showed my disappointment or hate towards him but i just accepted him as friend back...he went because of another girl which he was crazy for and that's why he forgets the world and me...it hurts so much to know that my feelings and my friendship meant that much for him..and he came back after getting himself betrayed..imagine the thoughts that had been running through my mind banging to come out...

Its been months we were friends again. He was now only my friend that feeling of love had vanished, i cannot look at him like i use to when i adored him.

And now this relationship has become nothing but awkward as i have again lost him as a good friend ... he has fallen for me now, and when he told me this all i could do was laugh...this guy who i was crazy for before this has now like me allot , and i cant have any feelings for him, i cannot bring myself to like him back...i hurt him, and i feel so bad for rejecting him and his courage to tell him he likes me....I'm so sorry...I'll never forget him that's for sure...hope he meets someone who makes his life a better one...I'll pray...

Power of Nothing

here i am sitting and wondering am doing the right thing whether will i make a fool out of these people. i always thought i had less circle of love around me, but somehow everything seems to be changing, those thoughts are gone and it became vice versa. i have become a neutral person.

most of the time all i did was try to please people and never really bothered what i felt and how will i end up but why the sudden change ? why don't i feel this way ?

i have no more sympathy for people like i used to, jealousy is raging inside mixed with anger and revenge and i make people stoop so low for me, begging for me and i don't give a glance or have a tiny bit of pity.

what kind of a person have i become ? is this how i become after all the pain and betrayal i have gotten and being so nice to people who never appreciated it ? is this how Im going to be for the rest of my life, being cynical n skeptical in whatever people offer or say to me ?am i a passive aggressor ?

people are viewing me as a great person now when I'm this way, they look up to me as i am no more a coward like i used to be, silent and a placater who never wants to hurt any one's feelings. i feel so powerful and somehow i am liking this attitude.

but thoughts do linger, should i be doing this for my own satisfaction ? should i be selfish ?

Truth Can Hurt..Like It Or Not...

Things can never go they way we planed either wil it go as we wish it would..but why ? its our life why cant we decide what we want ot whats good for us. sometimes i wonder are v a living robot where our life's journey has been al decided without us knowing whats going to happen or whether what has been planned for us to go through is what we want ?

humans are created with a complex thinking and sometimes thinking can just run wild it may sound absurd or senseless to peoople but it may be true in a way.

i have always thought my life was created crappy and i always ask myslef why is it that way ? And all i do is say "its my fate". i barely get what i want although i work for it so hard, wheras people who dont give a damn, gets it. i have wanted so many things in life, but i'm still scratching the bottom level of nothing.

Now, what i would like to know form that dearest person who had planned my life without me is ermmm ? where is my happiness ? where's my talent ? when am i to acheive something in life ? did you forget to put it in ? or what ? do tell me ?? im sick of working my ass off doing things which always fails...

its true i dont have a talent.,.i can't draw,dance, sing, play an instrument,study ....and..it..goes..on
and dont say i didnt try..i did repatedly and i suck.. i have wasted haf my life chasing things i can never get, should i be doing that still ? should i stop and give up and become a loser like i was suppose to ?...the questions remain...

IRRITATING LIKE NO OTHER

Irritating has become like a passion to me. why u ask me ? well its just plain fun !
the expression on people's face when irritated is like one in a million. and to make it all fun-er i was born with sarcasm. I'm sarcastic to everyone around me and no one likes itwhen its done on them but if i say it to ither people its funny ! people dont like cause its usually my sarcasticness is like a slap on the face and some what embarrasing.

Before anyone says i have a psychological problem, well i don't. Being irritating and sarcastic is just my thing...its comes naturally... ha ha. Besides its a gift i should use it..OFTEN :p

Ugly or not there she goes...

I have known this girl for almost 3 years and i have been awed by her attitude until today

This girl looks bad physically * nt that I'm being mean* and she is big in size..but she doesn't care. she has never bothered to go on a diet or get herself an expensive dermatologist to help her instead she lives with it without a single care in the world.

I was close to her for a certain period of time, but kinda drifted apart as we always had the opposite opinions on everything including friends but we did talk and joke around its just that we have different clique.

This damstress wears what she pleases although often it never suited her body shape ( as she was kinda big in places) though she had been told never to wear those clothes again she shuts them up and still wear em'. Look at that how many girls actually do that ??? ermmm none !
people do look at her oddly but she doesnt bother haha.

She eats allot to..trust me i have seen. She never bothered about how big is she and certainly dieting was never on her mind, another thing i always looked up on her for.

She is good at criticising* usually the truth* and saying what she thinks right in front of you, in other words she isn't a backstabber and a very brave person..she stands up for her self and age of her victims doesn't count.

Other than that her thinking is simply unique. the way she thinks is like so out-of-the-box..i mean she thinks about thinks other people don't think off. she is definitely smart scores like no body's business in exams.

She is known to be on her own. she doesn't mix around much with people so she is constantly on her own, she sometimes goes out shopping or eating all on her own whiteout a care in the world.

After getting to know her background such as how she grew up or how her parents were, somehow i figured out why did she turn up this way. she grew up in a broken family where her parents were both perfectionist but rarely care what their kids were up to. i know she grew up hating her parents, she doesn't say it out but i sensed it when she speaks of them.

And so that's why she became an independent person, who doesn't live on other people's satisfaction on purely on hers

This one girl that I'll never forget..hope she rocks her life like she always does.......

TV ADDICT !!!!!!!!!!!

Since my college had ended i have been super free n super uno bored, and thus i became a tv addict. i have been glued to the tv almost everyday for atleast 4-6 hours a day...yes im lifeless
but who cares cause im actualy loving it ^^

CH 711 in Astro has been my loyal companion so far, half of their series are mw my best friends.
i have been addicted the most to is ( mind you, this is only a few of it)

GLEE

Im proud 2 say i havent missed a single episode of these programmes and some of others since May'10...

so proud of myself ! muhahahaha